


A Goddamn John Green Novel

by TSPrincxietyTrash



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: A little angst, Flirting, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Happy Ending, I do NOT consent to my work being hosted on unofficial apps, M/M, Mutual Pining, Polyamorous relationship, especially apps with ad revenue and paid subscription services, established prinxiety and logicality, feelings of guilt over being poly, self doubt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-16
Updated: 2020-02-09
Packaged: 2020-10-19 21:37:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20664185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TSPrincxietyTrash/pseuds/TSPrincxietyTrash
Summary: Virgil couldn’t help occasionally stealing glances at Logan, his face illuminated by the changing light from the TV throwing dramatic shadows over his face.Virgil knew that he loved Roman, he loved Roman more than he had ever loved anyone in his life.  But somehow that didn’t change the fact that when he looked at Logan, he felt this weird kind of longing in his chest.  A longing to reach out and brush his fingers over Logan’s cheek, to curl up with him on the couch and hold him close, to press their lips together in a tender kiss.It made him feel the worst kind of guilt, sometimes it threatened to eat him alive, but he was coming to accept it for what it was.  For whatever reason when he looked at Logan he couldn’t help but notice how beautiful he was.Virgil has conflicted feelings about the fact that he is very much in love with his boyfriend, and their two best friends.Little does he realise the other three are busy having the same dilemma.





	1. A Goddamn John Green Novel - Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> GUESS WHO'S BACK???
> 
> I just want to preface this by saying that I absolutely adore John Green and I'm not trying to mock him in any way, I just saw this tumblr post about Virgil thinking about snuggling one (1) time and saying to himself What is this, a Goddamn John Green Novel? And it really made me laugh so here we are! 
> 
> This is part one of a two part fic, it's mostly entirely fluff but they're all dealing with feelings of guilt so I want to put in a trigger warning for that. A trigger warning for food mention too. Please let me know if I've missed anything.
> 
> Anyway, please enjoy my first LAMP fic!

“Jane Austin is an absolute _treasure_, Mansfield Snark!” 

“It was not my intention to imply otherwise, Roman. I’m just not sure it’s the best movie for us to watch this evening.”

Virgil rolled his eyes, his fingers drumming a steady rhythm on the countertop where he stood in the kitchen, waiting for the popcorn to be ready. It seemed that Logan and Roman had only two volume settings when they were arguing; loud and louder. Patton was MIA, maybe he’d gone to the bathroom or something, and since Virgil was stuck in the kitchen there was no one there to defuse the situation which meant that their argument would only get worse.

Virgil shook his head fondly as he heard an unmistakable _falsehood_ from Logan just as the microwave started aggressively beeping at him to let him know the popcorn was ready. He couldn’t help but smile to himself as he listened to the other two, his affection for both of them warming him from the inside out. He shook his head again frowning as he grabbed the beers while balancing the popcorn in the other hand. He couldn’t let anyone catch him thinking such mushy thoughts. What was this, a goddamn John Green novel? 

He made his way into the living room just in time to see that Patton had returned and was busy calming everyone down. All four of them knew that Logan and Roman’s arguments were almost always harmless and just a bit of fun, but they did occasionally get out of hand. 

“What do you want to watch, Virge?” Patton asked brightly, taking the bowl from him and setting it on the coffee table while Logan took two of the beers and handed one to Roman, a peace offering if Virgil had ever seen one. 

“Oh, eh, whatever, I don’t really care. Just not something too mushy or lame,” he said, shooting a pointed look at Roman, who immediately began huffing indignantly. Patton giggled and Logan groaned as Virgil placated him by pressing a kiss to his forehead and then taking a seat between him and Logan, with Patton on Logan’s other side.

“Then what _are_ we going to watch?” Roman demanded, making a show of flopping around on the couch as dramatically as he could.

“Why don’t we just pick the first thing we find on Netflix that we like the look of?” Patton suggested, already grabbing the remote and starting to flick through movies.

“No documentaries!”

“Why do you hate me?”

“Why do _you_ hate Pride and Prejudice?”

“PLEASE shut up, both of you,” Virgil groaned, pinching Roman and trying not to laugh at Roman’s offended squawking. A quick glance at the other two told him they were both trying their hardest not to laugh too.

Eventually the four of them settled on a trashy action movie, which Logan tore to shreds at every available opportunity, much to Virgil’s delight and Roman’s dismay. Patton seemed to enjoy everyone else’s reactions to the movie more than the movie itself, but about three fifths of the way through his head began to droop and soon he was fast asleep with his head in Logan’s lap. Virgil smiled fondly and couldn’t help but watch as Logan looked down at Patton with nothing but love in his eyes as he smoothed the unruly curls off his forehead and gently took off his glasses and placed them on the coffee table. 

Virgil yawned as the movie came to an end. He turned to ask Roman what he wanted to watch next only to find that he had also passed out on Virgil’s shoulder and was now dangerously close to drooling on his favourite hoodie.

“Gross,” he muttered far too affectionately before turning to Logan. “Wanna watch a documentary now since they’re asleep?” he smiled as Logan nodded and flipped over to some nature documentary. They watched in companionable silence, though Virgil couldn’t help occasionally stealing glances at Logan, his face illuminated by the changing light from the TV throwing dramatic shadows over his face. 

Virgil knew that he loved Roman, he loved Roman more than he had ever loved anyone in his life. But somehow that didn’t change the fact that when he looked at Logan, he felt this weird kind of longing in his chest. A longing to reach out and brush his fingers over Logan’s cheek, to curl up with him on the couch and hold him close, to press their lips together in a tender kiss.

It made him feel the worst kind of guilt, sometimes it threatened to eat him alive, but he was coming to accept it for what it was. For whatever reason when he looked at Logan he couldn’t help but notice how beautiful he was. 

He was completely gorgeous, tall and slim with dark brown hair and soft hazel eyes behind sharp frames. There was an elegance about him in the way he held himself, in the quirk of his lips and the humour in his eyes. He was fiercely intelligent and endlessly kind. And he was 100% off limits. 

Virgil sighed and tried to concentrate on the documentary. Logan was his best friend and had been since he moved here and started at this college. Not only that but Logan was completely in love with Patton, who he had been dating for almost a year and a half now, and Virgil himself was completely in love with Roman. It made no sense for him to feel this way. Chewing on his lip in irritation at his own thoughts he tilted his head to lean on Roman and allowed himself to feel the familiar warmth and comfort. That was what had kept him from completely despairing over the situation. Whatever his feelings were towards Logan, they hadn’t actually changed how he felt about Roman, and that was enough for now. 

“Virgil?” Virgil jolted, Logan’s voice bringing him back to the present, he turned to look at him, one eyebrow quirked as he clearly waited for Virgil to answer whatever question he had asked.

“Eh, sorry, I’m a bit tired, what did you say?” Logan’s expression softened as he looked at Virgil, a small smile tugging at his lips.

“I merely asked if you required another beverage or perhaps some water?” Virgil shook his head, his gaze lingering on Logan’s lips for a moment before he realised what he was doing and shook his head, his cheeks burning with a blush.

“No thanks, L, I’m fine,” he coughed, looking back to the TV and hoping that Logan hadn’t noticed his discretion.

“…Virgil?” Logan spoke slowly, his voice low. Virgil’s stomach flipped but he turned to look at him, making a little humming sound to indicate that he was listening “Over the last few weeks, perhaps even months, you have been acting a little… strangely towards me. I do hope I have not caused you any kind of distress or done anything to damage our friendship in any way?”

Virgil felt his stomach twist as guilt and panic bubbled up inside him, burning in his chest as his eyes widened and his mind started racing. The last thing he had expected was for Logan to have _noticed_.

“What? No, you haven’t done anything! I just… Look, it’s nothing alright? I just have some shit going on that I need to deal with, it’s nothing to worry about.” Virgil stole a glance at Logan to see if he bought it and sure enough he seemed satisfied with the answer.

“Okay. Please know that you can talk to me about anything. You are my dearest friend and if I am able to assist you in any way then I will.” Logan’s voice was calm and quiet as always as he turned back to the TV and Virgil tried not to sigh out loud as relief coursed through his body, his heart rate starting to slow again. He would have to be more careful in the future, he couldn’t risk Logan, or worse _Roman,_ figuring out how he’d been feeling. This had the potential to not only ruin his relationship but also his friendships with all three of them as well and that was something he could not bear to lose.

When the documentary came to an end Logan gently shook Patton awake enough to coax him into letting Logan carry him upstairs. Virgil said goodnight to them both, waiting until they were up the stairs before turning to a still-sleeping Roman and grinning wickedly.

“WAKE UP, PRINCEY, IT’S TIME FOR BED!” Roman spluttered awake, shouting as he almost fell off the couch, his hair sticking up in almost every direction while Virgil cackled to himself watching the display. Roman huffed and folded his arms, his expression adorably grumpy. “Aww, I’m sorry Sir Sing-a-Lot, was that too loud for you?” he teased leaning close to kiss Roman’s cheek. Roman softened a little with the kiss but he was still pouting so Virgil shuffled even closer, leaning so close that their noses were almost touching “Come on, Ro, don’t be sad,” he smirked leaning the tiniest bit closer. Roman huffed but then closed the gap, brushing his lips ever so softly against Virgil’s. Even after all this time Virgil felt an excited flutter in his tummy as Roman kissed him, his lips tingling as he pressed them more firmly against Roman’s, tilting his head a little to fit them together better. Roman made a soft, pleased sound and then pulled back, brushing Virgil’s cheek with his fingertips and smiling.

“Come on, Emo Nightmare, let’s go to bed,” his voice was low and groggy with sleep, his eyes tired, which only made him more adorable in Virgil’s eyes, a thought he would most likely keep to himself. 

They slowly climbed the stairs to their own room, passing by Logan and Patton’s and hearing Patton snore, and soon enough they were in their pyjamas and curled up together. Virgil rested his head on Roman’s chest and closed his eyes.

“Love you, Princey,” he murmured and for a moment he thought Roman hadn’t heard it, but then his arm curled round Virgil’s back, pulling him closer.

“I love you too,” came the sleepy reply and Virgil smiled before he drifted off to sleep.

*** 

Patton was humming to himself as he stirred, trying to combine the butter and sugar he had measured in a bowl, but he was having trouble since he had forgotten to leave the butter out of the fridge for a while to soften. He frowned, pressing harder with the wooden spoon despite his arm starting to ache.

Just then a cheery whistle announced Roman’s arrival as he practically spun into the kitchen, heading for the fridge.

“Greetings, Patton! How goes the cookie making?” his regal voice was full of good cheer as he grinned at Patton. Patton grinned right back, and tipped the bowl to show Roman.

“Well, Ro, it could be going _butter_, if you know what I mean!” he laughed at his own joke and Roman’s grin turned to a fond smile.

“Would you like some help?” he offered. Patton could feel his whole face lighting up at the offer as he nodded enthusiastically.

“Oh yes, Roman, that would be wonderful!” he felt his cheeks flush as Roman took the bowl from him, his short-sleeved shirt showing off the muscles in his arm as he started attacking the butter as though it were his most hated enemy. Patton smiled fondly and tried not to let the butterflies in his stomach fluster him too much as he turned and started measuring the rest of the ingredients. Soon enough Roman had beaten the butter into submission and he set the bowl on the table beside Patton.

“Wow, thank you so much, Ro! You’re so strong, it would’ve taken me ages to do that all by myself!” Patton beamed at him, then cracked the egg and dumped it into the bowl. Roman flushed under the praise but smiled anyway, shifting a little.

“Eh, anything else I can help with?” he offered, almost looking shy and Patton’s stomach flipped at the little smile Roman gave him.

“Of course, we can make these cookies together if you like?” he offered, smiling when Roman started nodding excitedly. “Great! Grab that tray over there and line it with grease-proof paper, would you?” he asked.

“For you, anything,” Roman winked and did as instructed. Patton felt his cheeks warming again as he turned away to add the flour, salt and baking powder, then he began mixing again.

He did sometimes feel guilty for the way Roman made him feel, all giggly and nervous, but not a bad kind of nervous, just like excitement and anticipation running through his veins. He knew that, really, the only person who should make him feel that way was Logan, but he had known Roman since they were kids and he had always made him feel this way, so it wasn’t really too big a deal. He could handle it and of course he would never act on it. Patton was just that kind of a person. He loved everyone, so much. Even Virgil made him feel all jittery and excited, but it was nothing to worry about, he had told himself so over and over again. At first he had thought that eventually these feelings would go away, but almost two years down the line they were still here so instead he had decided that they weren’t anything to bother himself about and instead he could just ignore them.

Besides, it’s not like he was the only one who felt them.

He had caught Logan from time to time, looking at Virgil and Roman in turn with so much fondness, so much _love_ and admiration, the same way he looked at Patton, that he had a feeling that if he ever did voice these feelings, Logan would understand. The problem was that he was pretty sure neither Roman nor Virgil would. They loved each other so much, were both so protective of that love in their own ways, that he didn’t think they would want anyone encroaching on it. Even if it was Logan and Patton.

Presently, Roman had finished greasing the tray and Patton had almost combined all of the mixture in the bowl and, to his relief, it was starting to all stick together. A moment later the dough was ready for rolling into balls and Patton set the bowl down and turned around to put the spoon in the sink. Upon turning back to the bowl he caught Roman with a glob of cookie dough on his finger which he promptly stuck in his mouth, his face flushing at being caught as he grinned sheepishly.

Fighting to hide his smile Patton put his hands on his hips in his best ‘dad’ fashion.

“_Roman_,” he scolded, still trying to keep a straight face. “How could you?!” Roman rubbed at the back of his neck, sticking his tongue out a little.

“I just wanted to test it, Pat! To make sure it’s safe to eat!” Patton shook his head fondly and patted Roman’s shoulder as he moved closer to inspect the dough.

“And what’s the verdict, you grubby thief?” he teased. Roman laughed and shook his head.

“It’s amazing, of course, but maybe we could add some chocolate chips? And some vanilla?” he suggested, almost hesitantly. Patton’s smile grew impossibly big as he felt pride swell in his chest.

“Roman, that’s an amazing idea! Both of those should be in the cupboard, can you…?” before Patton had even finished, Roman was searching through the cupboard, finding what he wanted quickly and handing them both to Patton. He quickly measured a teaspoon of vanilla and then handed the packet of chocolate chips to Roman.

“How many?” Roman asked, looking at the bag a little doubtfully.

“As many as you like, go nuts!” Patton felt a squeeze in his chest at the way Roman’s eyes lit up like an excited child as he emptied almost the whole packet of chocolate chips into the dough, grinning from ear to ear. 

Together they mixed in the chocolate chips by hand and then Patton set to work, taking a smallish clump of dough and rolling it into a ball with his palms. He set it on the tray then made to do another one when he noticed Roman biting his lip and watching Patton closely.

“What’s wrong?” Patton asked quickly, his eyebrows drawn together in concern.

“Oh, it’s stupid but… I’ve never actually made cookies before, I’m not sure how to…” Patton relaxed and cut Roman off, handing him a chunk of dough.

“Don’t worry, you’ll get the hang of it! Here, now just move your hands around like that, yeah, but don’t squeeze too much! Yeah, that’s right, see, kiddo, you’re a natural!” he beamed as Roman started making the right movements and soon another ball had been formed. Roman placed it next to Patton’s on the tray and Patton smiled.

“Okay?” Roman asked, glancing at him for reassurance.

“Perfect! We just need to move it over a little, there, so they have space to spread out when they turn into cookies,” he said, gently moving the ball a little to the left. Roman smiled and squeezed Patton’s shoulder, making his heart beat faster.

“Thanks,” he murmured and Patton grinned and nodded. The two of them set to work making little balls of cookie dough. It was quiet for a moment, until Roman started humming under his breath, an old Disney tune from Cinderella. It took Patton a moment to place it before he recognised it as So This Is Love. Smiling to himself he started humming along, both of them still rolling the dough. Roman glanced at him and smiled as Patton joined in, then he dropped the line to add a harmony as Patton carried the tune as best he could, their voices filling the kitchen with soft music and both of them swaying a little as they hummed.

Soon enough the tray was full and the mixture was gone. Patton just couldn’t stop smiling as he handed Roman the oven gloves and then opened the door so he could place the tray inside.

“Thank you so much for the help, Ro! It really helped to _bake_ my day!” he grinned proudly as Roman sorted at his pun and then pulled him into an unexpected hug.

“The pleasure was all mine, sweet Patton,” Roman murmured, and Patton’s heart was pounding in his chest as his head started to swim being surrounded by Roman’s strong arms, his warmth and his smell, all of it drawing Patton in as he closed his eyes and leaned his head on Roman’s chest.

They stayed like that for a moment before Patton slowly pulled away, his face burning but he smiled anyway, grabbing the oven timer and setting it for twenty minutes. 

“I’ll get this cleaned up,” he said, mostly to himself as he headed over to the sink and wash the dishes. Roman coughed and shook his head, watching Patton go.

“Yeah I, eh, should probably do some… studying,” he mumbled, and with that he was gone, leaving Patton alone with the dishes.

Later, as the four of them sat round the kitchen table, enjoying the cookies and milk and laughing and joking as usual, Patton tried his best not to feel guilty, and to ignore the fact that Roman seemed to be finding it harder to look at him.

It would be _fine_, he told himself firmly.

_There’s nothing to worry about._

*** 

Roman was spread out on his bed (dramatically). In a (dramatic) display of his inner turmoil. A pose that was full of anguish (and _drama)_.

Unfortunately no one was here to witness his dramatics, but it was important to keep up the practice.

Roman had never felt more at a loss for what to do. Never had he felt more confused, and never had he felt more removed from the version of himself he most wanted to be; dashing, courageous, honest and good and _true. _

Currently he felt like none of those things. For starters, his hair was a mess due to the fact that he kept running his fingers through it in frustration. And despite the fact that his teenage years were behind him, he was being plagued by a rather gruesome series of spots on his cheek, red and blotchy. Probably from the stress, he had a well-honed skin care routine after all. He was also a little bloated from all the stress-eating. He’d eaten an awful lot of the cookies he and Patton had made together.

_Patton_.

He groaned and rolled onto his stomach, flopping (dramatically) and willing his heart to stop aching. Patton, one-third of his major dilemma. He lifted his head after a moment to breathe properly again and eyed the various fairy-tale books from his childhood strewn across the floor. He scowled at them, at this moment not feeling particularly glad that he had brought them with him when he left home. 

He’d searched through them relentlessly for literal hours, and his search had been entirely fruitless. Not a single tale contained a protagonist with more than one love. In every story he had searched through and read, not a single one had three, or more, people happily together and in love. 

Evidently, _true_ love was only between two people. A man and a women, to be more precise. He scowled at the books and rolled over again to look at the ceiling instead. When he had fallen in love with Virgil, he’d had no qualms about whether or not it was true love, despite the fact that Virgil wasn’t a girl. He had known that it went against his upbringing, and his fairy-tale type way of loving, but it had never bothered him. 

And yet, now he found himself searching every single book, desperately looking for some evidence that what he was feeling didn’t make him a disgusting, horrible, lying, cheating bastard.

Didn’t make him… bad.

It was bad though, wasn’t it? To love more than one person. To already have a partner who is everything you could ever have dreamed of, and more. Someone who is your match in every way, who constantly surprises you and pushes against you, who every day makes you want to be better. To have someone like that and still want more? 

It was shameful, surely. 

He groaned again and rolled onto his side, but this position was no more comforting than his front or back had been. When would this turmoil end? At first, when he started to feel more romantic feelings towards Patton and Logan he just assumed it was because they were all becoming such good friends. But when he had started wanting to sweep them up in his arms, to sing to them and dote on them and give them everything he could to make them happy, to hold them and _kiss_ them, that was when alarm bells started ringing. 

Virgil would surely hate him. Would be _right_ to hate him if he knew what he was thinking, how he was feeling. He had never loved anything as much as he loved Virgil, and now he was so _confused_ and he didn’t know what to _do._

A loud knock at the door made him jump. He sat up and shook his head to clear it.

“Come in,” he called and the door opened to reveal Logan on the other side.

_Logan_.

Roman’s heart beat faster in his chest as he smiled, watching as Logan calmly entered the room, his analytical gaze sweeping over the books strewn about the floor and then over Roman, his eyes narrowing a little.

“Are you quite alright, Roman?” he asked, voice even but still soft. Roman nodded quickly.

“Of course, why do you ask?” he boomed, straightening his back and pasting his best smile over his face, hoping it would work. Unfortunately, Logan knew him too well.

“Your hair is a mess, as is your room. Both of these are uncharacteristic for you which leads me to believe that something is troubling you. I recommend having an open conversation about your feelings with someone. I am happy to lend a listening ear, though I do believe that Patton is more astute when it comes to dealing with complicated emotions,” Logan pulled a stack of white cards out of his back pocket and flipped through a few “Or in other words, it may help you feel better if you ‘spill the tea, sis’.” he coughed and nodded.

Roman stared at him for a moment.

“Did Virgil teach you that one?”

“He did.”

“Figures.” Roman rolled his eyes and then stretched, trying to ignore Logan’s steady gaze, those fierce blue eyes burning into him. “Something I can help you with?” he asked nonchalantly.

Logan frowned. “Roman, I’m not leaving until everything’s ‘gucci’, understand?” Roman groaned.

“Urgh, Logan, I’m _fiiiiiine_, leave me alone!” he whined. Logan pinched the bridge of his nose, his eyes squeezed shut.

“You are behaving like a child! Please tell me what is wrong,” Roman glanced at him and bit his lip. He had been friends with Logan for a long time. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to discuss his problem metaphorically at least. He glanced at the still open door.

“Alright, shut the door then,” he sighed, shifting to sit cross legged on the bed and shuffled, making room for Logan. Logan raised an eyebrow, but did as asked then joined Roman on the bed, mirroring his position and folding his hands on his lap. Roman bit his lip.

“You have to promise me, Logan, that this conversation will stay between us,” he said, staring at Logan intently. Logan nodded, his expression solemn.

“Of course, you have my word.” Roman nodded and breathed a deep sigh.

“Where to start,” he muttered, running his hands through his hair, nervous energy flitting through his entire body. “Lately I’ve been… Eh, I’ve been wondering about the nature of love, and I want to know if it’s possible to be in love with, _really _in love with more than one person.” he looked down at his hands as he said it, unable to face Logan for fear of disgusting him. But Logan merely hummed in thought.

“I do believe it is possible,” Logan said evenly, no hint of judgement, his voice calm as always. Roman’s head snapped up to look at him, his heart rate picking up and he scanned Logan’s face, trying to read him.

“Really?” he whispered, leaning a little closer. Logan nodded, his face open.

“As far as I am aware, yes. There are many numbers of sexual and romantic orientations. Just as it is possible for some people to experience feelings of romantic love for nobody, it is possible for people to experience them for two or more people at once. I believe the term is polyamorous. Do you think it applies to you?”

Roman stared, his mouth open as his heart seemed to freeze in his chest. It couldn’t possibly be that simple.

“B… but in all the fairy-tales, it’s only ever two,” he said meekly. Logan raised his eyebrows a little incredulously.

“Roman, I hardly think fairy-tales are a good resource for understanding orientation as it exists today. Fairy-tales never contain gay people, yet you exist happily as a gay man,” he pointed out, seemingly watching Roman carefully. Roman nodded, hardly daring to let himself believe it.

“But, I’ve never met anybody who feels that way,” his second argument came tumbling out, inwardly hoping that Logan would have a response.

“You’ve never _knowingly_ met anybody who feels that way. Do you expect every person you meet to tell you the intimate details of their orientation upon every encounter with a new person?” Logan’s lips were quirked slightly in amusement now. Roman felt the tight pain in his chest ease just a little. “Besides,” Logan added, causing Roman to look up at him again “I do believe the term applies to me.”

Roman gawked at him, his mouth falling open for the second time.

“WHAT?!” Logan winced as Roman shouted, immediately he apologised but automatically shifted closer to his friend. “How do you know? Does Patton know?”

Logan’s cheeks flushed a little and he seemed to lose his composure slightly for this first time since the conversation began. He cleared his throat and continued.

“I have found myself harbouring romantic feelings for multiple individuals at once, and so I began researching online and after speaking with several polyamorous people I came to the conclusion that the term describes me well. Patton does not know, as I was under the impression that he does not operate in this way and I do not wish to cause him any distress. However, I saw fit to tell you just now since we are discussing it and it seems to me that you may be questioning your orientation, and I thought it might help you to know that you are not alone,” he finished, his cheeks flushing a darker red, but Roman couldn’t help himself, he surged forward and pulled Logan into a tight hug. 

Relief coursed through his whole body, as the guilt and confusion and pain subsided a little more. 

It was _normal_, he was _okay_.

He didn’t realise he’d been crying until Logan was shushing him and patting his back gently, mumbling words of comfort. Roman laughed breathlessly, he was so gone for Logan. 

“I think I am too,” he said through his tears, wiping at his eyes as he pulled back from Logan, giving him a watery smile. Logan smiled back and gave him a reassuring pat on the shoulder.

“I am glad I have been able to ease some of your concern. I must admit, it feels good to know that someone I care so much about experiences these feelings too,” Logan’s voice was low and Roman looked at him, his cheeks flushing as he studied Logan’s expression. 

“Logan…” he said slowly, sniffling a little, but he had mostly stopped crying, “You said you’ve liked different people at the same time… can I ask who?”

Logan grimaced and cleared he throat, seeming to steel himself before he looked at Roman, his expression soft and caring.

“You’d have to be a fool to think it could be anyone other than you, Virgil and Patton,” he said softly. Roman’s eyes widened and he felt all of his feelings swell in his chest as he reached out hesitantly and took Logan’s hand, squeezing softly and looking into his eyes. Those beautiful, fierce blue eyes.

“And you’d have to be a fool, dear Logan, to think for me it could be anyone other than you, Patton and Virgil,” Roman’s voice was very gentle, and he was sure the depth of his feelings were plain to see on his face as Logan’s expression turned so very soft and he squeezed Roman’s hand in return.

Roman suddenly found himself desperately wishing that Patton and Virgil were there with them so that they could all share this moment together. And then he felt reality crash over him like a bucket of ice water, freezing him to the bone. He had just confessed to another man without talking to Virgil about it first. 

Guilt twisted in his stomach as he withdrew his hand, unable to look at Logan, the longing in his heart aching as he turned away. 

“Roman?” Logan’s voice was soft, full of concern, only making Roman want him more desperately.

“We need to talk to Virgil and Patton,” he said, his voice flat, before he looked back to Logan “And it could ruin everything.”


	2. A Goddamn John Green Novel - Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman talks to Virgil about the feelings he's been having, while Logan has the same discussion with Patton. 
> 
> The outcome is better than anyone expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeeeeyyyy so you know how I was all "Part two will be out in a couple of weeks" wellll how about 4 months instead????
> 
> I really am sorry for the delay, and I hope you enjoy this unbridled lamp fluff!

Virgil was lying on his back on the couch with his head in Roman’s lap, scrolling through Tumblr on his phone while Roman watched some god-awful movie about princes and princesses and true love or whatever (that Virgil was secretly stealing glances at because much as he hated to admit it, the movie did seem pretty compelling). 

Roman was gently running his fingers through Virgil’s hair and playing with it softly, making Virgil feel totally relaxed and stress-free for the first time in about three weeks. As much as he felt peaceful for once, he couldn’t help but notice that Roman did seem to be a little on edge, which in turn was causing a tiny bit of anxiety to tug at the back of Virgil’s mind but he ignored it in favour of scrolling and secretly watching the movie.

About three-quarters of the way into the movie Roman sighed heavily, as if the weight of the world were on his shoulders. Reluctantly, Virgil dragged his attention away from what was shaping up to be one of the best confession scenes he’d ever seen, and looked up at Roman.

“Something bothering you, Princey?” he asked, arching one eyebrow and studying his face. Roman looked down at him, his bottom lip caught between his teeth.

“Oh, eh… I guess I just have a lot on my mind right now,” he said, giving Virgil a small reassuring smile, though he still looked troubled. Virgil frowned.

“Okaaay, wanna talk about it?” Roman shrugged nonchalantly in response, but Virgil could see the tension in his shoulders, the concern on his face. He huffed and moved to sit up, turning to face Roman. “Roman, you know you can tell me anything, right?” he said softly. Roman nodded, but he wasn’t looking at Virgil, he was looking at his own hands twisting together in his lap.

“I’m afraid that if I tell you, you’ll hate me,” he said, his voice very small and completely un-Roman. Virgil frowned again but he reached over and took one of Roman’s hands in his own, rubbing his thumb soothingly over the back of Roman’s hand.

“It would take an awful lot for me to hate you, Ro.” Virgil made his voice as reassuring as possible, squeezing Roman’s hand as he spoke, but this only seemed to upset Roman more as he smiled sadly at him. What had been a tiny ball of nerves in Virgil’s stomach immediately grew into painful anxiety as his stomach twisted and his heart began hammering in his chest, his mind suddenly working at a million miles an hour, jumping from one scenario to the other, each more terrible than the last.

“Ro? What is it, why can’t you tell me? Are you breaking up with me?” Virgil spoke quickly, his mind racing as his anxiety worsened. Roman’s eyes grew wide and immediately he shook his head quickly, taking both of Virgil’s hands in his own and squeezing tightly.

“No! No, no, Virgil, I’m not! I love you, I love you so much, I’m not breaking up with you,” he said, his eyes almost pleading with Virgil, trying to help him calm down. Virgil took a steadying breath, then used his breathing exercise for a moment, allowing himself to calm down and stopping his brain from jumping to conclusions.

Roman was still holding his hands and he noticed that he had been tapping out the rhythm of Virgil’s breathing exercise on the back of his hand with his thumb, trying to help him through it. Virgil felt a tug in his heart upon realising that, squeezing their hands and shifting a little closer.

“Feeling okay?” Roman asked softly and Virgil nodded. 

“Sorry, what did you want to tell me?” he asked, rubbing circles into Roman’s hand again. Roman seemed to set his jaw in determination and nodded.

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” he said quietly, looking at Virgil earnestly before he took a deep breath. “Before I say this, I need you to know that I love you and you mean so much to me, Virgil, and whatever you decide you want to do after hearing this, I will respect your decision,” Virgil grimaced at Roman’s serious expression, anxiety squeezing painfully in his chest again.

“Ro, you’re scaring me, please just tell me?” Roman nodded and clenched his jaw.

“Over the last few months I’ve found myself feeling… romantic feelings for both Logan and Patton. It hasn’t changed how I feel about you at all! I still love you, I love you so much, but these thoughts and feelings have been eating me alive with guilt and then I, eh, I talked to Logan and he said he thought I might be polyamorous which means being in love with different people at the same time and I think it might be true? And I don’t want it to change anything between us but I understand if you… if you hate me now and don’t want to be with me and I’msosorry,I’msorryyoumustfeellikeIdeceivedyoubutIpromiseIdidn’tknowuntilnowand - ” Roman cut himself off, having said all of that incredibly quickly and all in one breath.

Virgil didn’t move. He wasn’t sure he knew how to move anymore. He eyes were wide and he was completely still, as though some stupid primal part of his brain perhaps thought that if he were still enough Roman would forget he was there. 

Roman was staring at him now, clearly on the verge of tears and trying to read his expression, but Virgil’s mind had gone strangely blank. He wasn’t panicking because he wasn’t feeling anything except mostly incredulity. 

Somehow his incredible, wonderful, annoying, stupid, reckless, selfless, caring, beautiful boyfriend had fallen in love with the same two people he had, and had also been suffering immensely for it. Honestly, Virgil was just astounded that they could have got so lucky. 

Roman was talking again, very quickly, and he was almost crying now, saying something along the lines of understanding if Virgil wanted to leave, and not expecting anything but Virgil couldn’t really hear him. He was too busy trying not to laugh. Only it was impossible not to laugh because the whole thing was ridiculous, so he let it out. He started laughing, loudly which promptly shut Roman up. Even through his laughs he saw Roman’s confusion, his eyebrows drawn together as he stared at Virgil, dumbfounded by his reaction.

“Virge? You okay?” he asked, voice a bit wobbly but Virgil just nodded and forced himself to calm down, his laughter dying away.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, Ro, it’s just so ridiculous to me that you happened to fall in love with the same two people I fell in love with, and that we’ve both been killing ourselves with guilt over it,” he said, grinning. Roman’s eyes widened as he tried to take in what he’d just said.

“You… you like them too?!” he cried, now also in a state of elated confusion. Virgil nodded and squeezed Roman’s hands, moving closer so that their legs were pressed together where they sat on the couch.

“Yeah, I’ve been crushing hard on both of them for a while now but obviously I’m still in love with you and I thought I was basically the scum of the earth and I never said anything cause I didn’t want to hurt you, the absolute _last_ thing I expected was for _you_ to come and tell _me_ that,” he explained. Roman smiled, his eyes still wide with surprise but Virgil could see that he was starting to take it all in, he could see the joy seeping in as he realised they were going to be okay. 

Virgil smiled too and leaned closer.

“I love you, Roman,” he said softly. Roman’s smile grew even wider and he closed the gap, pressing their lips together softly, letting the kiss linger for a moment before he reluctantly drew back.

“I love you too, Virgil,” he murmured in response. Virgil grinned and squeezed their joined hands before shaking his head to clear it a little.

“So, wait, you talked to Logan – what did he say?”

“He’s also poly and he likes us too.”

“Holy shit.”

“Yeah,” Roman laughed in surprised glee and Virgil couldn’t help but join him. His entire world had just been turned upside down in the space of a few minutes. He looked around the living room, half expecting chaos, but the movie was still playing, their mugs of tea from earlier still sat on the coffee table, a basket of laundry was still by the bottom of the stairs. He huffed another laugh and looked back to Roman.

“Okay, what about Patton?” he asked, butterflies twisting in his stomach as he thought of the other two, suddenly desperately wishing they were here now. Roman grimaced.

“I don’t know yet, Logan said he would try and talk to him today but he’s nervous,” Virgil made a humming sound

“Yeah I bet he is, where are they?”

“At Patton’s Mom’s but, actually -” he paused to glance at his watch “They should be on their way back by now.”

Virgil nodded and bit his lip “Patton will be driving if they are… Do you want to text Lo and ask?” he began fidgeting with the zipper on the sleeve of his hoodie, suddenly full of nervous energy. Roman nodded already pulling out his phone and tapping away before Virgil heard the whoosh sound of a message being sent. There was a moment of silence before Roman breathed a sigh of relief

“They’re ten minutes away.”

“Fuck.”

Roman laughed and pulled Virgil into an embrace, swaying them softly “Virge, it’s gonna be fine,” he said softly. Virgil groaned and buried his face in Roman’s neck.

“No it’s not, how are we even gonna bring it up, what if Logan hasn’t talked to him about it yet? What if he hates us for it?” Roman hummed and pulled back enough to look at Virgil

“Weren’t you just thinking all of those things about telling me? And look how that turned out!” he grinned brightly. Virgil scowled and huffed for good measure.

“You’re too optimistic, I need Logan,” he grumbled. Roman laughed and pulled him close again.

“Yeah, need him to be your boyfriend,” he teased and Virgil jabbed him in the ribs, feeling a small amount of satisfaction as Roman whined and complained in his wonderfully over-dramatic way. They continued in the same vein until there was the unmistakable rattle of keys in the door, soft voices too low to distinguish just outside the door. Virgil froze in panic, staring at Roman with wide eyes.

“I can’t _do this_,” he hissed, making to get off the couch and leg it to their room but Roman was too quick and all but tackled him onto the cushions.

“Yes you can!” he whispered back before the door swung open to reveal their flatmates-turned-crushes.

“Heya kiddos! What ya up to?” Patton beamed at them, seemingly completely unphased by the somewhat compromising position of Roman essentially pinning Virgil to the couch

“Nothing!” they chorused while Roman hastily released Virgil’s wrists and sat up, smoothing down his clothes as Virgil hid himself behind his bangs, his cheeks flaming. Patton just continued smiling as Logan eyed them somewhat suspiciously before closing the door and moving to sit in one of the arm chairs, Patton doing the same, still grinning brightly and bouncing one leg as he sat seemingly full of excited energy. He was looking at Logan intensely as if trying to silently communicate with him. Virgil frowned looking from one to the other.

“What’s going on?” he asked, eyebrows drawn together.

“We would like to discuss something with the pair of you, but we are both slightly nervous that the subject may cause tension between the four of us,” Logan faltered, clearly feeling anxious. Virgil took a deep breath and tried to allow himself to relax.

“It’s okay, L. We’ve been talking too and if it’s what I think it is then there’s nothing to worry about,” he said quietly, looking over to Patton too and hoping it was reassuring. Patton’s smile was so bright now he was sure his cheeks must be hurting.

“Yeah, I’m sure it’s good news, what did you want to tell us?” Roman grinned first at Patton then Logan, his expression turning soft as Logan gave him a small smile in return. Virgil felt something in his stomach flip seeing the two of them look at each other like that, feeling his cheeks warm with a blush again.

“Well, today Logan told me that over the past few months he’s developed feelings for both of you, and actually recently I have as well. We don’t want to force you guys into anything or push you to change your relationship but we just thought we should be hone-oh!” Patton was cut off by Roman pulling him out of his chair and into a tight embrace. Virgil laughed and stood too, wrapping his arms around both of them and making a happy sound when the each de-tangled an arm to pull him into the embrace.

“Logan, get your ass in here!” Roman yelled making Virgil laughed. A moment later another pair of arms joined their embrace and Virgil felt his heart melting with joy as he realised that everything he had been hating himself for secretly dreaming of was somehow happening in his real life. He shifted slightly to intertwine his fingers with Logan’s and though his heart was hammering in his chest he turned his head slightly to press a kiss to Patton’s cheek. Patton giggled in response and turned his head to press a soft kiss to Virgil’s lips, just for a moment. 

Virgil was sure his brain had completely shut down as his eyes fell closed and he kissed back just for a second before Patton pulled away again smiling and oh he was so beautiful. Virgil looked round at the other two to see them pressing their foreheads together.

“Is this real life?” Virgil murmured, causing the others to laugh and all squeeze each other tighter. 

After what felt like an hour but was really only a couple of minutes they pulled away from their embrace, standing in a loose sort of circle, all smiling at each other.

“So… What now?” Virgil asked tentatively, reaching out to take Roman’s hand and squeezing.

“If it is agreeable to everyone, I would for the four of us to be in a relationship together,” Logan said, his voice cool and calm but Virgil couldn’t help but smile at the faint blush dusting his cheeks giving away the depth of his feelings “I feel very strongly for all of you,” he added in a much softer voice and Virgil was sure that there was no way he would survive this. It was bad enough having Roman being cute all the time, but now he’d have to deal with it from Logan and Patton as well?

“I feel the same, and I’d like that too,” Patton chimed in, taking Logan and Virgil’s hands as he stepped a little closer. Virgil squeezed his hand and smiled.

“Me too,” he confessed, looking at both Patton and Logan then all three turned to Roman who was positively beaming at them all.

“Nothing in the world could bring me more joy than this,” he murmured, squeezing Virgil’s hand and then taking Logan’s as well.

A few hours and a lot of talking and making out later, Virgil found himself falling into Roman’s bed with Logan at his back, wrapping his arms firmly around his waist and pulling him close. Roman was at Virgil’s front, lying flat on his back with Patton cuddled into his side, resting his head on Roman’s chest and tangling his fingers with Virgil’s while Roman attempted to wrap his other arm around both Virgil and Logan with limited success. 

Patton was yawning as he snuggled closer to Roman. Virgil smiled as he noticed their legs had tangled together, much like his and Logan’s had too. He squeezed Logan’s hand before reaching forward and gently pulling Patton’s glasses off his face, passing them to Roman to set on the nightstand before he glanced behind him to check that Logan had removed his too, smiling when he saw that he had and twisting a little uncomfortably to kiss Logan’s nose. It was worth the discomfort to see the way it wrinkled even as Logan pulled him closer. Virgil relaxed again letting his back press against Logan’s chest and snuggling against Roman’s side, sighing contentedly as he took Patton's hand again and squeezed.

“Thank you,” he murmured, receiving various soft touches in response from the three of them.

“Goodnight, sleep tight, don't let the bedbugs bite,” Patton mumbled, clearly almost asleep. Virgil smiled as Roman leaned down to kiss Patton’s messy curls.

“Sweetest dreams, Patton,” Roman murmured before he turned to kiss Virgil softly too “Sleep well, Storm Cloud. Goodnight Logan,” he added, running his fingers through Logan’s hair and receiving a happy sigh in response.

“I wish you all a restful night,” Logan mumbled into Virgil’s neck, causing him for shiver a little before he fully relaxed, allowing his eyes to close and letting sleep engulf him, feeling entirely and completely happy in his lovers' arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In all seriousness I did get a couple of comments on the first chapter which I have since deleted saying stuff like it's been a couple of weeks, where's my gay shit and while I am sorry that this took a long time, there's been a lot going on for me. I had to move away from Hong Kong and leave my job there because of the protests then I had to look for a new job and move to another country again and then my laptop broke and I had a bunch of problems in my new flat and I lost a Grandparent.   
So just, when you're going to write a comment like that, maybe just think about what may be going on in the author's life and why they may not have posted. 
> 
> Sorry for the rant, basically every comment I get is super lovely and I totally love you guys so yeah! Hope you enjoyed this fic <3

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry about the cliffhanger..... 
> 
> Do me a favour and roast me if you see a typo, dyslexia's a bitch and sometimes I just straight up miss them no matter how many times I check.
> 
> Part 2 should be out in a couple of weeks... I hope!!!


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